December 6, 2023
My little brother died December 6, 1977. That was 46 years
ago today. He was nine, I was twelve, my sister was days from turning seven. I thought I had
heard all the stories about Vince since then. Yet yesterday my father surprised
me with one I had never heard of before.
In his final days at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, my
brother was moved to a floor separate from where the regular treatment took
place. In today’s terminology, I expect this would be referred to as a Hospice floor
or Palliative Care. He was in a great deal of pain, “bone pain” I have heard it
called. His entire body hurt, and no one could get an IV started for pain
medication. Taking any orally was not an option at this point either. Numerous
nurses and technicians could not find a viable vein and my brother continued to
suffer.
Finally, my father asked them to go get Nurse Betty who had
been the one who administered his chemotherapy over the last year. The people
in the room exchanged looks and told my dad that Betty did not ever come up to
that floor. He replied, “Tell her it’s Vince.” Within minutes Nurse Betty was
at Vince’s side and was able to start an IV and get him some relief as hoped.
Nurse Betty and my father stepped out into the hallway, and
she said to him, “You know… I have been at St. Just since they opened the doors
in 1962 and I have never been up here before… but there’s never been a kid like
Vince before either.”
We all tend to canonize loved ones when we lose them. We bring
the best memories to the forefront of our minds and push the bad ones back. But
in the case of my brother Vince, anyone who ever actually knew him would agree
he was an exceptional boy. He had such a generous and loving spirit about him. He was courageous and kind. Just
a few years ago, on this same anniversary I wrote about how his death has
shaped my life in ways I cannot fully grasp. Now I prefer to frame it
differently. His life is what has truly helped shape me into the person I am
today. His death hurt us deeply because he had such a beautiful soul, but I choose to not focus on just that loss anymore.
