Comfort and Courage

I have shared on different occasions through a variety of media that one of the most formative occurrences of my life was the loss of my younger brother to leukemia when I was 12 years old. My adolescence was shaped by this painful intrusion of death into my immediate family. Years later, I would face my own mortality as I battled cancer myself. Both of these experiences have given me a certain outlook on life I might not have had otherwise.

Not that I do not ever get anxious or upset about circumstances, but I find myself able to achieve some peace by asking myself a question many would find morbid: “If I were on my deathbed right now, would this matter anymore?” Like I said, some would find this a morose approach, but it helps me prioritize things of import over those that will fade. I use this “deathbed philosophy” to calm myself down about things ranging from loss of material items to conflicts with certain people. It’s similar to saying “this too shall pass.”  

As I write this, we are facing an uncertain future and collective anxiety I can only compare to the days immediately following 9/11. The threat of the COVID-19 virus has caused global concern and experts tell us the worst is yet to come. All of this is leading many people who would otherwise shun my deathbed philosophy to seriously consider what really matters in their lives. We may all share some apprehension about basic needs such as toilet paper and cleaning supplies, but I expect the greatest concerns are over our loved ones. I do not enjoy being socially distant from my family and friends. My little coping mechanism only goes so far. It gives me perspective, but there are times I need much more.

This coming Sunday, the Common Lectionary leads us to look at one of the most well-known Scriptures we have…Psalm 23. Within it we find the words, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” This may resonate with us strongly over the next few months. The source of our comfort, however, is not shallow bravado but rather the words that follow: “For Thou art with me.”

The Message reads: “Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side.” We are not alone. We are given courage by our faith in the very real presence of God to see us through this. This is what gives me a “peace that transcends understanding” (Philippians 4:7) that guards my heart and mind. As we eventually emerge from our self-quarantine and seek normalcy, I hope any priority shifts you may be experiencing now do not fade along with the crisis. May goodness and mercy and love follow you the rest of your days until we dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

How Will I Know?

In our current cultural divide, a frequent denunciation that arises is that someone is not really a Christian. This is flung at people from both believers and non-believers. It is usually reflective of whether a person agrees with them on their favorite moral issue ranging from abortion to human sexuality to matters such as immigration or the death penalty. If you are on the wrong side, then the demonization begins. It can also be used if someone questions things a Christian does such as curse, drink, dance or some other supposed “Thou Shalt Not” activity.

On the spiritual hand, no human can rightly judge whether another is truly a Christian. It is a matter between them and the Lord. Even if we could, that is not our place. On the practical hand, someone can claim to be a Christian and can point to their profession of faith, baptism and church membership or attendance. What is it that makes someone truly a Christian, though? Every denomination seems to have its formula for answering that question often to the exclusion of anyone not in their circle.

As a strong adherent and appreciator of the concept of grace, the unmerited love and mercy of God, I believe there is nothing we can do to earn God’s favor. That said, if someone genuinely has Jesus in their hearts, their life should be different as a result. One of the ways we should be able to reflect on the progress of our faith journey is where we are in the growth of the fruits of the spirit. As we read in fifth chapter of Galatians, those fruits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. As with most people, I am better at demonstrating some of these than others. I also find I am better on some days more than others.

Another guide for Christian definition is found in Romans 12. In the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, these passages are given the heading “Marks of the True Christian.” 9 Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; 10 love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18 If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

I should paste these words on my bathroom mirror as a reminder as I start each day. Notice there are only a couple of  “Thou Shalt Nots” in these lists and zero doctrines as such. There are no defining positions on social issues.  The saint and the stranger are to be treated with compassion. So how can we tell if someone is a Christian? Well, it’s distilled nicely into a song lyric based on John 13:35, “They will know we are Christians by our love.” 

Life is messy and difficult and there are some people who make it more so. I am especially fond of verse 18 above: “If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” I pray that our unity will one day be restored.

Shit, man.

When I found out my friend Floyd was ill a couple of weeks ago, I saw him a couple of times in a couple of different hospitals. Then I visited with him at his sister’s home along with some other friends. He had been sent there under Hospice care. On each of these occasions, there was always someone else there.

Then last Tuesday, I went to sit with him for a bit and for the first time since this started it was just the two of us. In the quiet of that moment when we were first alone, he just looked at me shook his head and said, “Shit, man.”

The only response I had was “I know.”

It is hard for me to relate everything I felt he might be telling me with those two words. His embarrassment of his condition? His anxiety about what was to come? The disbelief that his life was coming down to this? The sorrow of what else life might have afforded him if it were not ending so soon? In the context of facing one's mortality, there are endless depths to be plumbed in that simple phrase. 

If you have read my blog before or my book, you will understand when I say that I considered Floyd a founding member of the Rocking Flock and one of the old hippie’s I counted among its members. If they offer him a mansion in heaven, I imagine he may ask if it’s okay if he just has his VW camper.

My heart is heavy and the loss of this “brother” has not even fully set in. I am trying to put into words how I feel, but all I keep coming up with is “Shit, man.”

Dad Hugs

This is my church newsletter article for this week. Since so many people have seen my photo on social media in said shirt, I thought others might be interested to read this as well. 

I went to the KnoxPride parade on Gay Street this past Saturday. I wore a T-shirt that said, “Free Dad Hugs or Free Pastor Hugs.” It had a cute little rainbow elephant wearing glasses in the middle. While everyone’s comments to me have been overwhelmingly positive, I know it may have raised eyebrows with some of you. I always prefer to be direct, so let me state the reasons I was there.

My youngest daughter came out to me about 5 years ago. She cried hard telling me she was gay, but did not want to be. I do not intend to debate whether this is biological or a lifestyle choice in a few paragraphs. I will be happy to speak with anyone in depth regarding my thoughts on this in another setting. My point with this article is to tell everyone what I did at that time was embrace my daughter and tell her I loved her no matter what.

A few years later, I read about a man who went to a similar parade and held up a sign that said, “Free Dad Hugs.” He was overwhelmed by the response of those who took him up on his offer. They were primarily young people who had been disowned, kicked out or otherwise rejected by their own families because they were gay. We can debate at length whether being homosexual is a sin, but there is no question in my mind that discarding your own child absolutely is. This is why my shirt said “Free Dad Hugs.” I wanted to share with anyone who needed to hear the message they were still loved as a child of God.

With the climate in our own denomination making LGBTQ folks feel less than fully accepted, I also wanted to remind them they were people of sacred worth as it still says in our United Methodist Discipline. The tipping point for me was this former officer and so-called preacher here in Knoxville calling for homosexuals to be executed. That is so far from the Gospel of Jesus Christ I can hardly put it into words. I wanted everyone to know he does not represent me or Christians in general. This is why my shirt also said, “Free Pastor Hugs.”

As far as that elephant goes, my glasses wearing daughter loves and collects anything to do with elephants. That’s what Dads do.

What a Fool Believes

I have not posted in a while because I have been working on a couple of book projects in my spare "writing" time. I thought some of ya'll might get a kick out of this article I wrote for my church newsletter this week, though. 

I was reminded yesterday of the greatest April fool’s prank I have ever been personally involved in. It speaks volumes about my relationship with my father and my life as a preacher’s kid.

I had just recently returned from participating in the Holston Conference sponsored United Nations Seminar for youth. On this trip to Washington D.C. and New York City, I had swiftly fallen into infatuation with a girl from the Chattanooga area. I was a junior at Greeneville High at the time and did not know how well this long distance relationship would hold up. This was before internet, email, Facebook and cell phones, kids. It cost extra money to call long distance back in those dark times. (1982)

It was unusual for my father to drive me to school, but on this particular day he needed to talk to me about something important. On our way there, he explained that the Conference was projecting him to move in June. This was initially a kick to the gut, but then he said we were moving to Chattanooga. I could barely contain my excitement. My girl and I would be together after all! Dad was grinning ear to ear as he dropped me off. As I was closing the door, he said, “April fools.” He laughed at the time, but said he regretted it pretty quickly because of the look of utter dejection on my face.

When I got to Art class, I told my teacher what Dad had done. She was a member of our church and hatched a wonderful plan of retaliation. She called him at the church and told him I had gotten into a fight at school. She explained I had seemed upset all day for some reason and had finally lost my cool on a fellow student. The teacher then suggested Dad stop by her classroom before going to see me in the principal’s office. Knowing this must be his fault for upsetting me, he rushed to the school. When he entered the classroom, everyone in the room shouted “April Fool’s.” Neither of us has ever quite topped this prank.

I share this story for two reasons. First, it is a really funny story. Secondly, it is that time of year again when ministers and clergy families can be on pins and needles during the appointment process. Many may already be projected to move and have to keep it secret for now. Under the best of circumstances, moving to a new church, job, school and so on is very stressful. Keep them in your prayers. It’s no joke.

In All Things Love

Last week, the White House Press Secretary was asked to leave a restaurant in Virginia where she was dining with her family. This was a “protest” of her role in current policies. This comes on the heels of a similar incident in New York involving the Secretary of Homeland Security. I find it disingenuous that many people who applaud this incident are some of the same ones who were upset a bakery refused to make a cake for a gay couple. To me this is less a political issue and more about living in community with one another.

I think all these cases are wrong and another distressing example of incivility in our society of late. Of course, people (including business owners) have a right to their opinion, but where would this lead if everyone started basing their interactions like so? This does not seem too far from refusing service for someone based on their skin color. If someone is not causing a disruption, they should be able to conduct business where they choose. Of course, I still support the “No shoes, no shirt, no service” policy. I do not want to see your nasty feet when I am trying to eat.

A friend of mine (who self identifies as a "rightish winger) posted a report about how there has now been a backlash against the Virginia restaurant. This included a man who threw chicken poop at the establishment and another who brandished a sign saying, "Homos are full of demons" and "Unless they repent, Let God burn them." My friend's simple comment was "Seriously! Come on people. This is not how any of this is done! We are better than this."

The first Sunday after the most recent presidential election I pointed out that statistically speaking half of the people in my congregation did not vote the same. Then I asked, “Do you love them any less?” The response was a resounding “NO!” It is one thing to have convictions, but another to have them become a wedge in community and relationships.

This past weekend, Knoxville hosted a Gay Pride parade. There were several churches present passing out water. Some were there in complete support of the participants. Others were there to minister to those “sinners.” Whatever their motives, everyone acted graciously and peaceful. Regardless of where you stand on this issue, I hope you can remember to always do the same. Regardless of where you find yourself on the political spectrum, please recognize in others our common humanity. We Methodists have long lived by the maxims of "Think and let think" as well as "In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty and in all things charity (love)."

Ashes to ashes

I am haunted by the photo of distraught mothers awaiting news about their children in the wake of the recent Florida school shooting. One of the women had clearly been to an Ash Wednesday service earlier in the day as the marks are still on her forehead. As I explained to my congregants in our service, the ashes serve as two reminders for Christians. On the one hand it represents our sinfulness (and hopefully repentance) and on the other hand they symbolize our mortality. Parkland was another horrifying demonstration of the latter.   

The cycle of violence, outrage, grief, arguments, posturing, blaming and so forth with no substantial changes is mind-numbingly frustrating and heart breaking. Once again, as in so many modern debates, we have those on both ends of the political spectrum driving the conversation. On the one end, we have those who want to ban all guns versus those on the other end who believe any restrictions whatsoever are an impediment to their constitutional rights. If we could have a reasonable conversation somewhere in the middle, we might actually accomplish something. I do not consider myself a “snowflake” or a “fascist” so I decided to just start listing some things I think, know or believe about guns and violence in America to see where it led me.

Guns are powerful weapons that are useful and even fun when used properly. Guns are powerful weapons that are dangerous and frightening when not used properly (either intentionally or stupidly). Guns themselves are just "things" like rocks, hammers, knives and so forth. Any evil lies in the hands and heart of the one holding them.

I am the owner of multiple firearms and do not think a “gun ban” is the answer to our problem. If I thought turning over my weapons to authorities would lessen the possibility of more children being gunned down in school or anywhere else, I would be first in line. That is not the solution in my opinion.

I do not believe there will be or even could be a full disarming of the citizens of the United States. That would be impractical if not impossible. This is a common fear tactic that I believe is simply perpetuated to drive gun sales. Even if certain weapons were deemed illegal or restricted moving forward, there are already so many on the streets it would have minimal effect.

Once again, there is much attention on the specific rifle used in this attack. The AR-15 is not technically an “Assault Weapon” as it is only semi-automatic (fires one round with each pull of the trigger) even though it looks like a military style weapon such as an M-16. Actual assault weapons are fully automatic and what we commonly call a “Machine Gun” and civilians are not legally allowed to own them.

However, the AR-15 can be adapted to have a high capacity magazine holding up to 100 rounds without reloading (as opposed to the more common 30 rounds). The high capacity magazine is an element that makes this weapon especially deadly in a mass shooting scenario because the shooter can attack longer without pause. Surely some limits on this capability would not inhibit anyone’s rights on the gun range or the hunting grounds. Again, this is just my opinion.

There is also the “This is a mental health issue” talking point. Sure... almost by definition anyone who seeks to slaughter multiple human beings is crazy. Yes, we need more help for those with psychological problems in our country. Yet, this will still likely have little impact on the frequency of these violent incidents because we can only do so much. It is like trying to keep an eye on a severely depressed person and still being unable to prevent their eventual suicide. Still, a registration process that can flag persons who have demonstrated any instability should be a no-brainer. Having to pass a test to get a license to drive a car did not infringe on any of my inalienable rights that I know of. 

There are those who think arming teachers is the solution. This is frankly so absurd I can hardly respond to it. I have the utmost respect for teachers and the teaching profession in general, but thinking back to my school days there are definitely some that I would be terrified of having a weapon in class. We do not seem to trust them with a paddle, so why would we have them packing heat?

So where does this leave us? I believe the vast majority of Americans want children safe in school. It does not matter what “wing” you identify with. If we do not ban guns, arm teachers or effectively monitor the mentally ill what do we do? I believe the most effective solution is one of increased security. I’m saddened this is what is needed, but not nearly as sad as I am when children get massacred.

Here is my proposal. Implement the best security means possible in every single school in these United States. Metal detectors, non-invasive searches, armed trained professional security personnel, new school protocols…whatever it takes. I would further propose that the government along with the NRA help fund this effort. Put your money where your “thoughts and prayers” are. Keep your guns, make your money, but make daggum sure you do everything you can to make our kids as safe as possible.

I don’t know how much such an effort would cost, but if we take “gun ban” laws off the table, the NRA would not need to spend so much money lobbying for their sympathetic candidates. According to Fortune.com, they spent over $31 million dollars just in support of Trump over Clinton in the most recent election. That is only one presidential election and does not even count all the contributions to other members of Congress.

I know this may sound crazy, but is it any crazier than doing nothing?